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| Which is better to get married at — a chapel, a banquet hall or a hotel/resort? |
They each have their advantages and disadvantages.
Getting married at a chapel is more like the wedding every girl dreams of. There are some beautiful chapels in Chicagoland. Most are older, historic with wood and stained glass. But then your guests have to go somewhere else for the reception. If there is a big gap, some people will just skip the ceremony. (That is, in part, because most weddings are the same and sort of boring. By my sharing your story at your wedding, it will be interesting and personalized.)
Getting married at a banquet hall is typically the least expensive option. You only pay for the use of the room once (vs. paying for a chapel and paying for a reception site.) An outdoor wedding at a golf course is scenic.
Getting married at a hotel or resort allows your guests to stay overnight. That is really convenient for out-of-town guests. But I encourage you to block a large set of rooms for your wedding (the rate will be discounted, it costs you nothing, the rooms are usually released to the public a month before your ceremony). Invite all of your guests to stay (they pay for the room themselves.) This way, people who have a bit too much to drink or are tired only have to take the elevator “home”. Announce plans for people to have a day-after-ceremony meal together at a restaurant at the hotel or resort. (Again, they pay but you helped get them all together.) |
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| What is the best flow from the ceremony to the reception? |
If your reception is at the same place as your ceremony — you are getting married at a banquet hall or hotel/resort — have no gap between the ceremony and the reception.
My typical platinum (full service) ceremony is about 30 minutes long. Have the cocktails and hors d’ouerves start immediately afterward. Know that you two will be busy taking pictures. You will not get to participate in much, if any, of the cocktails and hors d’oeurves time. That’s OK. It is for your guests.
I had a wedding once where the ceremony ended at 5:25 pm and the cocktails and hors d’ouerves started at 6:00 pm. I imagine the couple figured they would be busy with pictures. They were — I was there taking pictures with them.
But he guests had nothing to do and hung out in a hallway for 35 minutes.
So, I suggest the following kind of schedule:
Ceremony begins at |
Noon |
3:00 pm |
6:00 pm |
Cocktails and hors d’ouerves begin at |
12:30 pm |
3:30 pm |
6:30 pm |
Dinner begins at |
1:30 pm or 2:00 pm |
4:30 pm or 5:00 pm |
7:30 pm or 8:00 pm |
Dancing begins at |
3:00 pm or 3:30 pm |
6:00 pm or 6:30 pm |
9:00 pm or 9:30 pm |
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| Should we have a receiving line at the end of the ceremony? |
Generally, I would suggest that you not do that.
If you have, say, 100 guests it can take 15+ minutes to get everyone through the receiving line. If you have 200 it will be 30+ minutes. If your cocktails and hors d’oeurves are being served, well, many of your guests are missing that. And you do not get to take pictures. If you are at a chapel, for example, there is a strict time limit on when you have to vacate the chapel.
You two should walk down the aisle and then go hide for 3 minutes. After I dismiss people — especially if appetizers and drinks are waiting — they will clear the area quickly. Then you come back and get pictures taken. By the way, tell your bridal party and families to come back to the area for pictures. It can take a lot of time trying to round them all up otherwise.
Do circulate among your guests during the reception. But get all those pictures in first. |
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| Eat dinner during your reception. |
Everyone wants to greet you and congratulate you. They are, understandably, excited for you. If you are not careful, you can spend the entire reception walking around the tables greeting family and friends. (One of the most disappointing things about weddings is that all the major people in your life are there — and you hardly get to talk to them.)
When dinner is served, go back to your table and eat it! No one that evening will remind you to go eat. They all want to visit with you. But an evening without food — especially when combined with alcohol — is going to be hard on you.
You’re not being rude. You paid for it. You’ll feel better. Eat your dinner. |
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| Does Rev. Phil need to be invited to the rehearsal dinner or the reception? |
No.
However, occasionally, some couples — it is a distinct minority — do invite me. It will in no way affect the kind of wedding you will get. (Frankly, it will not be a better ceremony if you do invite me and it certainly will not be anything less if you do not.)
Sometimes I can accept. Often, I am not able to. For example, if I have three weddings on a Saturday, by definition there are two receptions I can not attend. I will not go to more than one reception in a weekend. Often, there will be some other event in our social calendar that precludes me from going. I am always honored to be asked.
If you want to extend an invitation, please mail it to me (836 S. Arlington Hts Rd. #302, Elk Grove Village, IL 60007). I will respond by the date listed on the invitation. A reply of “no” only means “no” to your rehearsal dinner or reception. Of course, I will be at your rehearsal (if you have one) and wedding! You’ve paid me to and I have signed a contact telling you I will be there. |
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| What is with the “.TV” at the end of www.iDoWeddings.TV? |
Every country gets a two letter code for their internet address — like the post office has done for each state (Illinois’ abbreviation is IL).
The tiny country of Tuvalu — made up of islands east of Australia in the Pacific Ocean — was fortunate to be assigned .TV
The .com version of my web site is owned by a company that does not use it — but would not sell it to me either. |
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| Should we see each other before the ceremony or not? |
As with most of these wedding traditions, there is no right or wrong.
The advantage of seeing each other before the ceremony is that you can take most of your pictures —including the two of you — before your guests arrive. After the ceremony, there will only be a few more shots to get. You can join your guests at the cocktail and hors d’ouerves time.
However, my personal preference and the most common choice among couples is to not see each other until the bride walks down the aisle. It is an electrifying moment that the groom will always remember. I always look over at the groom as the bride walks down the aisle and many are in tears, as I was at my wedding. Yes, that means that you will be taking all of your together photos after the ceremony. Yes, you will miss most, if not all, of the cocktails and hors d’oeurves time. But it is worth it, IMHO. |
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| When is sunset for the day we are getting married? |
If you have an outdoor wedding, this is important to know. Click for sunset times for Chicago. |
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| What is the weather typically like for the day we are getting married? |
Average monthly temperatures and precipitation, courtesy of the WeatherChannel.com, can be found for:
If you click on a month, you get the averages for each day.
They also have a wedding planner page and useful tips for outdoor weddings. |
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| What should we call you? |
I prefer “Rev. Phil”
. Calling me “Rev. Landers”seems too formal. Just don’t call me late to dinner (which you can see does not happen too often :>)
For the program, which only a third of couples have, I am usually listed as Rev. Phil Landers. |
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or call me at 630-628-3500 |
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Thank you’s 
