It is likely you have seen the unity candle. It is a beautiful symbol of two becoming one.

I prefer to have the couple light the two outside candles themselves during the ceremony. They have the option of lighting memorial candles (in memory of loved ones who have died) just before and giving flowers to mothers (and grandmothers) just after.

Another option is to have the mothers light the candles before the ceremony begins, just after the bride’s mother is escorted to the front.

Although they sell unity candle sets, you do not need anything fancy. It can be as simple as two tall thin candles and one large thick candle.

Later in the ceremony, after your vows and ring exchange, you symbolize the two becoming one by both taking the outer candles and, together, lighting the center thick candle. Who can tell whose part of which flame caused it to light?

If you do this outside, well, it can be windy. Get three clear glass cylinders open at the top and bottom to go over the candles. (This means you can not use a fancy set, they have to be three individual candles.) You each use a lighter “gun ” (need two) to light the outside candles by reaching in and lighting the candle which is inside the cylinder. It will light.

The tricky part comes later when you have to remove the three cylinders from the three candles. It is possible the outside candles will blow out. If so, put the candles back, place the cylinders over them, take the lighter “gun ” and, together, light the thick center unity candle.

If you have no cylinders or they are not tall enough, your candles will blow out during the ceremony. I’ve seen it happen.

This is a fairly new idea. It comes from the Bachelorette TV show. It was a cheesy show but this is actually a good idea. It works especially well for outdoor weddings.

You have 4 containers — 3 smaller containers filled with sand (a bold color representing the bride’s life, a bold color representing the groom’s life and a neutral color for me), one larger container that we will pour the sand into and a FUNNEL.

We gather around a small table (usually behind where I stand.) You two face each other with me behind the table. This way everyone can see what we are doing — including the photographer.

As we do the following steps, I will explain it to your guests:

• I pour the first layer, which represents that your marriage is grounded.
• The groom pours his color, which represents his life.
• I pour a layer of neutral sand
• The bride pours her color, which represents her life.
• I pour a layer of neutral sand.
• Then, together, you pour your sand into the FUNNEL as I move the funnel around so it mixes.
• If there is space, I top it off with neutral sand.
• I then hold it up to show your guests.

Tip #1: pick bold colors. I have done Cubs blue and red as well as White Sox black and white. It will show up better than pale blue and pale pink. (I know, I have seen it).

Tip #2: have a FUNNEL. Without it, you will have two colors side-by-side — but not mixed. (I know, I have seen it.)

Tip #3: have the larger center container be one piece of glass. One couple used a lovely candle holder that had 4 panes of glass in a beautiful rustic holder. The sand started coming out the sides of the panes of glass.

Tip #4: have the containers of sand be proportional to the big container. If the big container holds, say, 30 oz. of sand, get 9 oz. of sand for the three of us. If the container holds 60 oz. of sand and you only get 7 oz. for each of us, it will look funny. On the other hand, try not to have so much sand that it overflows. (If it does, I will make a quip about your love overflowing.)

I have only done this at one wedding.

Requires two dozen flowers (12 of 2 different colors, usually a rose), two smaller vases and one large vase. Each mother has 10 flowers and there are 4 flowers placed on a table behind where I stand. The three vases are also on the table, empty.

Each mom brings up 10 flowers. The groom’s mother is escorted to her seat. She sits down. The bride’s mother is escorted to her seat. Instead of sitting down, she, along with the groom’s mother, goes to a table behind where I stand. They each put their 10 flowers in a smaller vase on “their” side of the table (bride’s on left, groom’s on right). This represents their family. Then, they sit down.

Later, after the ring exchange and vows, the couple gives each mother a flower, along with a hug and kiss. You two go together, you are a couple. I suggest the groom give the bride’s mom a flower and vice versa.

Than the couple goes to the table. They take a flower from the table and insert it, at the same time, in the large center vase. Then, they take the bouquets of 10 flowers from their side and, together, place it in the center vase. This represents your two lives and two families becoming one.

I explain this to your guests as you are doing it.